3 Lessons I Learned About How to Get Unstuck: Birthday Edition
There’s nothing like the sweet smell of “Oh snap, my knees don’t work like they use to” birthday shenanigans to help you reflect on your life. This last trip around the sun was one of my most challenging seasons so far. And yes my body needs a little WD40 but man did I realize my soul did too.
I spent the last year doing a mean two-step with Imposter Syndrome, existential crisis, and overall self-doubt. I started noticing things about myself, my business, and my life that didn’t feel good. I just knew that I was stuck and wanted to find out how to get unstuck.
And it took me a while to figure out the root of those feelings.
Hindsight is always 20/20, right? It’s like once the light shines a few more inches in the right direction, it all starts to make sense. And to be honest, I’m still unraveling and I’m ok with that.
In fact, I expect that as long as you and I live, we’ll be unraveling what it means to be who we are, how we parent and show up in our relationships, and the work we put out into the world.
For now, I’ll extend the three lessons I learned about navigating transitions.
Alright, let’s dig in!
Here is better than there
Isn’t it funny that you often want things just because you’ll have to set a goal to get them? It’s the blessing and the curse of having ambition.
You have big goals and dreams. And yet when you reach them, you’re not satisfied with them because you now have more big goals and big dreams.
Your very own expectations about times and the way things “should” be are keeping you in search of what’s over there.
“I have to have this many children by….”
“I need to get this promotion before…”
“My business must be making this before….”
And if you’re being honest, The Jones are not always other people. Sometimes The Jones are your unrealistic expectations.
While there’s nothing with striving, I wonder if doing so strips you from being truly present with yourself in this moment. How you’re absolutely crushing things you thought would crush you.
At some point, you have to pause and be with here instead of reaching for there.
Listen with Action
During transitionary moments in life, you always be pulled in many different directions. And of course, you want to find the “best” direction. The one that’s going to cost you the least amount of pain. But more importantly, the one that’s going to get you from feeling like a newbie.
We naturally search outside of ourselves to find the answers when things around (and within) us are changing. We think because they finished the test that their answers were right.
But what if you believed that your answers are what you need to pass your own test?
Last year, I got caught up in listening to everybody else voice but my own. Well, let me rephrase that.
I would hear my values screaming at me, my needs pushing me to do things differently but I only heard them and never truly listened.
Listening is active. It’s a call and response.
Your mind and body whisper in your ear (hear). And you do (listen) something about what they shared with you.
You may have to dig a little deeper into your feelings. Or reflect a little longer on your discomfort, but what you come up with will be greater than what you hear from other people.
You do have the answers sway.
Pray on it. Journal about it. Think through it. But most importantly listen with action.
Different not damaged
We exist to evolve and yet when we are called to we’re shocked. It’s almost like how dare you (change) come back and shake up a life I’d grown comfortable with. You lent licker!
It happened when we became moms and had to figure out how to navigate the work we love while mothering the children we love without losing ourselves. It happened as your relationship dynamics changed and you had to redefine communication, intimacy, and quality time.
And darling, it will keep on happening.
But just because your life is different, does not mean your life is damaged.
Last year, I felt so frustrated about what I felt were my limitations. Why can’t I get this? Why is this happening/not happening? God, are you there – hello?
In many ways, I felt that because things were shifting and changing, it meant I was doomed.
Adjusting takes time and feels much like a healing process. A big event just happened ( is happening) and the residue from that will require an inspection of what you have the capacity for. Instead of fighting it, give it a hug.
Right now my hug looks like, doing only the work that matters and not shaming myself for what I don’t have the capacity for.
These are my reflections on how to get unstuck. And in some way, I hope they help you reflect too.
A few reflection questions to help:
- What next step am I glamorizing that’s keeping me from being present in the now?
- What are my mind and body telling me to take action on and why haven’t I listened?
- How can I remove shame from what I currently have the capacity for in this season?
Thanks for being here.
