Just a Wife, Mom of Two, and Licensed Trauma Therapist who loves God, is always sporting Grandma-vibes and signing songs that I don't know the words to.
Your go-to Guide for rebuilding what it means to be a Mom in your family.
I'm not just sharing my opinions and surface-level to-do's and scripts. I'm a Root Finder and a Solution Simplifier. And most of all honored to have you here.
A huge part of embracing who you are is honoring your voice. Now I know honoring your voice can get a little tricky because moms are crowded by so many voices.
Today, I’m inviting you to bring your voice to the forefront by honoring your wants and needs and making a commitment to communicate them even through discomfort.
Who you trust you listen to , and who you listen to, you base your decision off of, and your decisions create your life.
So if you don’t trust yourself, and you’re not listening to yourself, and you’re not basing decisions off of what you want,
YOU are missing from your life.
And I can’t sit back and let you live a life that is absent of you.
Life without your voice and your true wants and values is can impact the way you show up as a mom, in your relationships, in your career – everywhere.
Your voice is worth being heard and it’s especially worth being heard by you.
The question then becomes: Where should you begin when it comes to trusting yourself again.
If you don’t feel like you can be 100% with yourself you can easily mistake the facade, I have it all together or this doesn’t really bother me that much, version of you for the true version of you that desires to make decisions based on what you actually want.
This week I’ve been talking about intuition on instagram.
I explained that before I was a mom, I had years of experience being a Children’s therapist and caring for children in non-clinical roles at childcare centers.
I also literally grew in taking care of children because my mom owns a licensed in-home daycare.
I say all that to say that I felt pretty confident that I knew what I was doing going into motherhood.
That was genuine laugh because caring for other people’s children and caring for your own children are two completely different things.
I had some knowledge but I lacked true experience of caring for the emotional and physical responsibility of a human that I birthed.
So like most moms, when I found myself stuck and would talk to other moms, sometimes I was met with “oh you’ll get it. Trust your gut”.
And I remember thinking “but my gut don’t know”. She don’t know.
I had to realize that it takes time to develop your gut. It takes time to fold into intuition because intuition is a blend of knowledge and experience.
So I had to be vulnerable and honest about being new and needing help.
I discovered that in those early months, giving myself permission to trust that the knowledge and experience that I was growing inside of me was enough.
I started to see how little I knew in the beginning and started seeing those hints of frustration around things not going as planned, and sleep deprivation kicking in, and all of those new moments that I’d never experienced before.
I had to trust that asking for help is what I needed.
I needed that extra hour to sleep in, a cooked meal, someone to come to watch the girls so that my husband and I could rest, or to check in with how I felt about parenting decisions without the influence of other people.
So just how I trusted myself with those little hints and used them to tell me what I needed (which helped me build that intuition), I believe the same thing is available to you through practice.
This brings me to the second way that you can start to trust yourself is through
Using your thoughts and feelings as a guide to lead you back to what might be missing is the key here.
Ask yourself “why am i frustrated by this?” Is it because I feel misunderstood or unheard or one of my boundaries have been crossed?
And Take note of and listen to your response without dismissing or minimizing it.
(remember, our girl vulnerability)
Alright so now that you’ve taken the filter off and listened to yourself,
One example that I’m seeing come up for moms right now, is not voicing their opinions or enforcing their boundaries around family gatherings for the sake of keeping the peace.
Their desire is to stay home, stay safe during this pandemic, and be creative with the holidays but their family doesn’t share that same view.
So, unfortunately, plans are made and carried out that they don’t agree with.
They didn’t feel like they could or should follow through with their voice and what was important for them.
When we know what we want but neglect to listen we can send the message to ourselves that “you don’t really matter” “everyone else knows better than you. So just sit back and go with the flow”.
This is a form of self betrayal that leads to distrust.
Think of it this way.
If you were friends with someone and you kept telling them how you felt about something and they, over and over, ignored you and listened to another friend instead, how would you feel?
Would you feel like you can trust that person?
The same goes for you mama.
Keeping the peace and going with the flow might work well for the people around you but it doesn’t work very well at all for you.
But taking action, even through discomfort does.
This may look like telling your parents or your in-laws virtual Christmas is where it’s at this year – and following through with that boundary.
Holding that boundary is a decision to commit to yourself instead of compromising for others.
They’ll probably get upset but so will you if you go and are uncomfortable and irritable the whole time you’re there.
I know this may be hard, especially with this example but I invite you to do it through the discomfort because sometimes, that’s the only way we grow.
One of the biggest changes in your life came through discomfort. Hello, pregnancy & birth.
So we’ve talked about getting vulnerable, getting honest with what you want, listening to those hints, and finally taking action and I just wanted to leave you with this encouragement to wrap it all up before you skip off into the sunset trusting yourself again.
You don’t have to do what every other mom is doing. You can make decisions that align with your values.
And even when it’s hard to voice your opinions, allow yourself to trust that you did so out of what’s true to you.
I think you’re worth trusting and I hope you do too.